the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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