Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
