Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
