just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How does one acquire holy water?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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