Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize
