my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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