I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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