During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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