you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
