I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
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we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
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These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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