It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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