i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
