im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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