i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
