You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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