WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
