Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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