there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
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I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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