Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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