Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize