I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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