if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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