Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
