I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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