Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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