My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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