My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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