It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
