My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
