"it" just moved
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
