everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
