There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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