there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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