i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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