it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
