I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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