I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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