im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
