I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
