Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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