I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
