fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Can Purell be used as lube?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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