Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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