hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
