is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
