youre lurking in front of me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
