seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
