We named our party play list daddy issues
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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