Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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