I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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