babies were throwing up all over the place
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
