U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
