I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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