Say something about gay babies.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
