sorry about calling you the devil all night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
