he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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