I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
