Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
