when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
