apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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