i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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