I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
They have beer where we have blood.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
