If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
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Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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