I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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