Christians are straight up FREAKS
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
