I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
