I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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