I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
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Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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