I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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