I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the day after is always just damage control
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
