I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
