her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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