I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
