the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
