I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
